So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
