drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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