My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
