that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
