we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
