is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
