Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
