I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
