yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
