we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Michael Bay diarrhea
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
