I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
