I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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