We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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