And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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