You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
