I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize