One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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