They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
