It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
