DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
