Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
