Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
