Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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