My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
