i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
