What a fucking waste of an outfit
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
