I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
