Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
