i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I didn't notice because vodka
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
