Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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