Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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