So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize