I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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