It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
