take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
