like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
