true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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