So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
