But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
