guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
