man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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