I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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