Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
