I puked a lego.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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