what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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