'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
