32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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