I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
