someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
