omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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