i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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