turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
