i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
