We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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