Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
