I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
