Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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