nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
