I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
