I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
