this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
