i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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