No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
