If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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