she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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