i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
tell me about the eggs
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