I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
