we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
