i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
