The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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