My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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