So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
