I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
