I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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