I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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