there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
