butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
