I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
