hell yes lets make some ravioli
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
