I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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