I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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