Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
