chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
