My underwear smells like fireworks.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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