Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
