I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize