I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
